Moving and my inability to ask for help

I took Friday off to get things moved over to our new place. Its still a rental and thats fine with me, but its a bigger place for a really good price. I am amazed that we found it, but am more than happy to have it. But, it leads me to the thoughts that have been in my mind the past couple days, even last week.

Why do I hesitate to even ask for help? When we were discussing the move, my wife told me a few people to ask to help. My first thoughts are always go to things about that they shouldn't be bothered, they have better things to do, and they don't want to help. I haven't even mentioned anything to anyone at this point, but that's my thoughts. But, I had to have help, I couldn't do it all myself. I might have been able to move some of it, but couches, a washer and dryer, and other larger items require more than I can do. The thing is that those who helped, didn't think it as much of an inconvenience. We were done in 40 minutes, and that includes driving time. But, in my mind, I felt like I was asking for them to sacrifice so much. Why do I do that? What do any of us do that?

After we got everything moved in, I was going to mow the lawn as one of my new duties at our new place. My in-laws had given us an older mower that they didn't need, but I had trouble getting it to work. This led me to having to call for help again. I sat in our new living room, nervous to call friends up that live close-by and ask for their help. These aren't just people I know, but ones that I would call friends. Our pastor lives just a couple blocks away and is such a generous person, I was sure that he would let me borrow a lawn mower for an hour or so, but I didn't want to bother him. That's my thought, I don't want to bother anyone. I ended up not getting the lawn mowed on Saturday, but did on Sunday when my in-laws bought us a new one and gave it to us. I also said something to Jeff on Sunday and he said that I should have called, he would have brought it over.

But, I think about my unwillingness to admit that I need help. How often do we admit that we need help? Or even when some one offers, we tell them that we are fine? I am so guilty of that. But, we can't do everything ourselves. This is even true when I am talking to God. In the moments that I desperately need God to show up, my mind wanders to thoughts of not wanting to bother Him. Bother God? When is a parent ever bothered when their child truly needs them? When are we (to make it personal) hesitant to help a friend? I have no problem giving myself to help others that I care for, but why do I pause when wanting to give them that same opportunity. Am I robbing some one of the option to help?

As I lay in bed with my wife last night, I thought about what my in-laws and others are teaching me. My in-laws know that we don't expect them to do things like buy us a new lawn mower. My in-laws are thankful that they can help. They are generous both with their time and money. They are examples that I should learn from. Friends who were there on Saturday aren't there because they are obligated, but because they are our friends and they want to help. I can learn that asking for help isn't bothering some one. Its an opportunity to let them teach you about generosity. I have no clue if any of this makes sense. But I know that I am learning.

Annoying how life works

I would really be happy to be able to post how great of a morning that I am having and how wonderful things are. Obviously they aren't great. The thing is that I realize that its not like I am physically hurting or really even in all that much discomfort. My body aches a little, but thats from moving boxes yesterday. I don't feel all that clean, but thats due to being unable to take a shower this morning. Those are little minor things. But, for some reason, we often let these things shape our day.

Yes, I was upset and still a little annoyed that our gas got cut off 4 days before it was supposed to due to a clerical error. It messed with my routine. I didn't get to wake up, jump in the shower and feel like starting the day. I felt like just jumping back into bed. I wanted to get a redo on the day. I called and now I have to leave work for some time and get the gas turned back on, again being an inconvenience that I am not all that happy about. And this is all something that I didn't do anything wrong to create. I did everything right. We paid our bill as it was due, we called and got it set to be turned off at a time when it wouldn't be a problem. But still its shaping my day. Why do I let it? I thought about this on the way in to work this morning. As I drove, I thought about how while I might think right now that this is so important, tomorrow I probably won't even think about it. I will get in the shower and do my normal routine. Next week, the thought of not getting to take a shower in the morning won't even cross my mind. So, really, how important is this?

I am probably one of the worst offenders of this, getting upset over such small things. But, I recognize that. It doesn't always keep my mouth in check, but it does make me stop and pray. I might never get to where I am immune to these little annoyances, but I can allow God's love rather than my reaction shape my day.

Here or Heaven?

I realize that it has been a pretty long time since I got on here. I would love to say that its been because that I have just been too busy. But, more honestly, its because I have been too lazy. I haven't really had anything hit me or anything that I felt led to talk about. But, I am back today with some thoughts on the current chapter that our small group is discussing tonight, chapter 7.

I will get to the thoughts on the book first and then I have something else I want to share. The really challenging part of this week's chapter is the idea of longing more for heaven than for our life that we have now. We have it good in America. There is pretty much anything that you could want within driving distance. And we all have abilities to get there. When Chan asks, are we living in a way that shows that our hope, our desire is not for this life but the next, we have to ask ourselves if that's true. In the video for this chapter, the question is posed this way. Do you long for Jesus to come back today? If you could have the choice, would that be what you want? I had to stop and think about it. Yes, I desire to love God and strive to show that love. I want to learn more about Jesus and hopefully in doing so model my life in a way that reflects His character. But, are there things in this life that I want to do before Jesus comes? Would I feel like I missed something if Jesus was to come today? I reluctantly answer yes to those questions. I guess that's part of our human nature, but its also something that we have to surrender to God. Its not something to be beat up over, but a need to bring before the Father and allow Him to minister to that lack of love.

I am not saying that I don't plan. I have to. I have to plan on things that will happen until Jesus comes back. However, I don't have to desire them more. I think that the line there is a very thin one to walk. Maybe its part of the reason that we HAVE to ask for God's guidance on a daily basis. Its impossible for us to try and tackle it ourselves. These are just me working through my thoughts on this chapter and I might not ever get it right. But, I am willing to share those with you.

Now, on to something I wanted to share about the last post that I wrote. I prayed with my wife over the areas that I have been feeling like I am disappointed with God. I didn't hold back either. If I felt scared, I said I was scared. If I felt hurt, I said I was hurt. I know that might sound like it just makes sense, but I definitely have been putting on a face of "ok-ness" before God for a long time. I don't know if I have ever felt so good about something that I have no control over in a long time. I know that nothing about the situation has changed but I have a little. Andy Stanley said this about prayer, "Prayer isn't about changing God, its about changing you." I can say that honest, open, prayer with God does change you. You feel like He really cares and is listening, or at least I did. So, if there is an area that you feel like God has been silent on in your life. Just tell Him how you are feeling there. Especially if you haven't ever prayed how you feel to God before. Let Him do what He longs to do, care and love on us. Its hard sometimes, but its so worth it.

Back from another weekend with some seriousness

I hope that you all had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Things are on the path to getting back to normal for me for a few days. I am very thankful for just a couple days of a break where I get to leave work at a normal hour and spend more time with my wife. So, I get to get on here and type out a few posts this week (probably) and today is the first.

Yesterday at church we had the Lord's Supper for everyone. It was a great celebration focusing on God's grace. I loved every minute of it. The music was amazing and the worship was awesome. Singing about God's grace and love for us is never a dull thing and its the thing that we celebrate the most because its so unbelievable. I could go on and on about how wonderful God's grace and love are and how it might not make sense, but its so easy to accept it. But, that wasn't where my mind went that afternoon.

I started thinking about being disappointed with God. We all have desires and wants that we think are Godly or at the very least aren't sinful. So, we lift them up to God knowing that since that are selfish, they aren't hated by God, that eventually He will respond and you can praise Him for meeting your desire. But what about in the meantime? What about the times when you think that there is no reason that God shouldn't meet this request and He doesn't? What about the way that you feel about yourself and question what you have done? I realize that this could fall under the heading about our timing versus God's timing. I also realize that this is no different than any other prayer that is offered and seems to go unanswered. However, this week it was different. This week, I have a specific instance that I am just hammered by. I say that this is about being disappointed with God, but really isn't it more about being disappointed with myself. That I feel like I have done something wrong and that I have done something to keep God from granting this request. I question about if it was something in my past, or something that I am doing now. I know that God is a God of infinite love and grace, but I guess we all start thinking in terms of "punishment" when something we desire isn't given. I also know that when this need is met, that I will look back and wonder why I questioned His timing. I will see how He was there all along, but its hard to take comfort in the now. I guess that's a huge part of any one's personal relationship with God, the ability to give their fears, their worries to Him and allow Him to give you the peace and comfort that you need until either the need is met or the desire fulfilled or taken away.

I watched part 2 of Stanley's series "He still* has the whole world in His hands". In it, Stanley uses Philippians 4:4-7 in a way I hadn't heard before. I would encourage you to watch it or listen to it if you have the time. But, at the end he says that part of prayer when times are tough or any time really, is to reveal our hearts to God. He might know everything about us, but He desires us to give ourselves to Him. And if something is bothering you, to give the real reason why you want God to work in that area. He gives a model that goes like this:

"Heavenly Father, I need you to _______________.
If you don't, I am afraid that _______________."

I have been trying to use it. And with each step, you get closer to the root of the problem that you have when you feel like God hasn't met your need. As Stephen Johnson said during our study about healing, where there is fruit, there is a root. This even means, when you are showing signs of doubt or worry, there is a reason for that. Either there is a belief about yourself or about God. Either way, you need to find it and allow God to minister to that area. Like I said, I have been trying to allow God in these areas and while I have seen a lot of His peace, I am still surrounded by a lot of fears.

This isn't an easy or necessarily a fun thing to tackle. It is better for us. I think that if we were just honest about what we think or feel that we could experience God a lot more. We get so caught up in these sort of form prayers. We say the same thing over and over. We come to God not with awe and wonder but with words. He doesn't want just words, He wants our heart. I want to give Him my heart, but I have to be honest when I doubt Him being there and when I doubt myself.

I don't know if this even makes much sense to anyone else. But this is me right now.

Another Collection of Funny

I am sure that anyone reading this blog might have found the topics this week pretty heavy. Its been good stuff. I have loved where God has taken my thoughts and led to focus on. I have some good things still in my head that I want to share, but I think that I am going to keep Fridays somewhat light-hearted.

If you haven't ever enjoyed news from the Onion, then you have missed some funny stuff. In this "news forum" they speak of the joy that the new giant crabs will be. My wife and I rented The Onion Movie and watched it, but found that enjoying the Onion in clips like these is much more enjoyable.

I was brought up to be a fan of Star Trek. Of course, TNG was the group that I watched the most, and most of the next couple series (DS9 and Voyager). This is one of Jandrew edit's pieces where Data gives a concert. Its just a bunch of edited footage from the original show, but its worth watching. If you enjoyed that, which how could you not?!, then you can head over here and see all his other works.

Along those same lines, I offer something that isn't a video clip, but rather a very good piece of satire. As a play on similar sounding words, here is Keeping up with the Cardassians. The stuff from McSweeny's can be quite funny. I recommend checking out more of their stuff as you have the time.

I think that gives you a few chuckles. Its important to laugh. I hope that your weekend is full of laughing and joy and worship of the creator of it all. Love you guys!

Its a Crazy Wednesday

Gosh, that is really a cheesy title, but I will leave it. Its that day when I think about the current chapter in Crazy Love and then talk about it here.

In chapter 5, Chan talks about the difference between a struggling Christian and some one who lives a life that isn't about following Christ. I offer the link to this video by Driscoll as a very concise and good answer. He offers it within the first minute and then gives a good example. Sort of an aside, I love Driscoll's plain speaking nature and direct answers. I might not be totally sure on the whole elect vs free will thing, and that might be the only area that I really disagree with him, but I find a lot of truth in his words. However, as Chan mentions in the video, we are told to test and find out what is true in God. Either way, Driscoll will tackle a few things that other ministers seem to shy away from and I respect him for that. Aside over.

Chan asks if we invented the idea of the casual Christian. He even says that Jesus never asked us to go and make Christians of all men, but disciples, those who will follow His teachings. He didn't say, but if that's too hard, let's just get them saved so that they can get into heaven and not really ever change. But how often are we preaching such a gospel? I didn't mention it on here, but I have to others about the message when I went to my mom's church. The preacher mentioned how he will never preach the "do you know where you are going if you die today?" invitation anymore. He said he didn't want to scare people into a decision. I loved that. Its not just a "get out of hell" card when you surrender to His love.

I have mentioned the book unChristian and I was reading last night something that just completely fit in with this mindset. It said that of all 18-29 that were surveyed, 65 percent said that they had made a personal commitment to Jesus, just a little less than the Boomers whose percentage is 73. Thus, the majority of Americans say that they have ALREADY made a significant decision to follow Christ. However, when you get more specific about what that means, a biblical worldview (believing the Bible, God is all-powerful, all-knowing and still rules the world today, that salvation is a gift from God, Satan is real, a Christian has a responsibility to share his or her faith with others, the Bible is accurate in all it teaches, unchanging moral truths exist and such truths are defined by the Bible, Jesus lived a sinless life,), then the percent of 18-29 that believe that falls drastically to 3 percent (only 9 percent of Boomers). Then they put it in people numbers. They say that means out of 95 million Americans who are 18-41, about 60 million will say they have already made a commitment to Jesus, but only 3 million of them embrace the biblical worldview. That is astounding to me.

I think this fits in so well with what Chan was talking about. So many people claim to have a connection to Jesus, but we don't ever think about what that might mean if we are to live it out. It is a challenge but it also heart breaking. In the video that Chan does, he asks if this chapter made you question your salvation. Its ok if it does, which is why I posted the video of Driscoll to sort of quench any doubts Satan might attack you with. After watching the video last night and thinking about my life, I just prayed thanks to God for all that He has shown me in the past couple years. That I can, without doubt, know where I am with Him. I might sin or mess up and do something that doesn't please Him, but I don't doubt where my heart is. I was so moved to tears thinking about how blessed I am and how I am thankful that I can pass that along to children if God ever gives us them or just others.

I hate that there is a real chance I won't be at the small group tonight to discuss everything. I want to share these thoughts. Thankfully I can do it here. I give anyone who reads the same option if they want.

Catch Up

Sorry about the disruption to my little schedule. But, it was necessary. I felt it better to take the rest of the week off than to put something up half-heartened. Thursday was pretty busy, or at least seemed to be more busy than normal. By the time that I realized that I hadn't gotten around to saying anything on here, it was almost 4. Then of course, Friday I was similar to the walking dead with the lack of sleep. But, now I am back, with a bit of free time, and a rested self to give you some thoughts that I have been thinking about.

I have mentioned, I think, that I am currently making my way through unChristian. Well, there have been quite a few good points that have made me stop and just reflect on it. The first area of critique that they tackle is hypocrisy. This is one of the areas that they say that young people (18-29) tend to think about people who would label themselves as Christians. The most stunning revelation isn't that they see us as hypocrites, but rather that they don't see a difference between the way that we act and the way that everyone else in the world acts. Think about that. We are the same as those who claim to have no connection to Jesus Christ. Does that not just floor you? Now, of course, you might be saying that well, those aren't real Christians that they are seeing. The thing is that it doesn't really matter. Whether or not the people who are being labeled in this manner are completely sold out to Jesus or not doesn't seem to matter in this group's mind. As a whole, Christians haven't been transparent enough to show a difference between our life and the way the world lives. They (young people) think that people are just trying to make themselves look good and when we, as a group, don't show that while we want a better life, but are flawed people, they just lump us in with everyone else who has proven themselves as just trying to make themselves look good. That just breaks my heart.

Another thing that just made me broken was the surveyed born-again Christians and their view of what it means to be a Christian and lifestyle decisions. Now, this study focused on younger people (18-29). They also defined born-again Christians as some one who made a personal commitment to Jesus that is still important to them and they believe they will go to heaven when they die because they confessed their sin and accepted Christ as savior. Now, obviously, they don't know the respondent's heart, but this was as best of a way as possible to weed out the differences. Of these people who claimed to be born-again Christians, 59% said they thought it was morally acceptable to co-habitat with a member of the opposite sex. That 44% thought is was morally acceptable to have sex outside of marriage. But, only 7% thought it was morally acceptable to use the f-word on broadcast television. How messed up are our priorities? How much of the world have we allowed to teach our kids? I can't say that I was ever perfect in these things, but I know that thought even when I did things that I shouldn't that I was doing something that was completely not morally acceptable. But, the problem isn't that we aren't following a rule, but that we are causing hurt for ourselves in the future. My heart breaks when I think of how completely we miss it sometimes when teaching the next generation.

I know that I just spouted off and said a bunch of things that might not really fit with anything else, but they just shocked me and I wanted to share with the chance that if they shock you, maybe we all can make a change. No, I am not quoting Rocky IV. I don't really have anything much going on other than that in my mind, but I felt it was important enough to talk about it for a little while.

I don't know if this week will keep up that schedule that I had set up, but that's ok. I am just trying to get on here and run through some thoughts that I have had. So, I will be back here sometime soon.

Brief interruptuion

I am not making excuses, just giving facts. I am tired. I wish I had something funny or insightful to share, but I don't. I am at work right now and I have had a total of about 2 hours sleep since I woke up yesterday morning. I understand that this was my own personal decision to go and watch a movie at midnight (yes it was Watchmen). I also understand that I knew that I had to be at work by 645 this morning thus limiting the amount of sleep I could have. So, I don't want or expect any sympathy. I just write to tell you that I have nothing today.

So, I will just say that I hope that God blesses you and gives you the strength to be examples of His love this day. I also pray that God will work in hearts this weekend, whenever people are gathered to worship Him.

I will be back on Monday with more substantive words. For now, I am not sure if I am making any sense. Have a great weekend!

Lukewarm People

Chapter 4 from Crazy Love is probably the most challenging. It puts forth some standard events or thoughts in the minds of most of the church-going population today. We are having our small group tonight, so my wife and I decided to type them up and hand them out on a sheet of paper. We did this for convenience for all of us. But what it did is have me take a look at the statements once more. Before I get into any specific statement, I wanted to say something about my looking at these.

When I read these the first time, it took a while. This chapter probably took more out of me and took me more time to really think about than any other. I guess that is sort of the goal with it though. When I read these statements, I would think about my life and the times when I might not have spoke or even said the words, but my life spoke exactly what they said. This past week, I have taken a few moments to read the statement and then I would pray for forgiveness from the times that it was true in my past and ask for God to help me to keep it from being true in the future. I don't think that I allowed it to beat me up, but just took the time to recognize my dependence on God for His strength when I want to take an easier way.

Now, to sort of look at a couple that I both struggle with and just sort of smacked me.

"Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go or how much time, money and energy they are willing to give."

As a group of believers, we are so willing to give our leftovers. That's next weeks chapter and I am sure that I will have lots to talk about this, but for today, I think that the statement should serve as a challenge to us and see if we are just giving things that cost us nothing. This came up this week to me. I talked about it yesterday, about teaching Financial Peace. My first thoughts were about how I don't want to give up a night during the week to lead the group. Then I thought about how I was already giving this semester and I should just wait till next semester. Is that the type of life that God called us to? NO! I had to confess my willingness to put my personal comfort in front of anything that God wanted for me.

"Lukewarm people think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven...Regarding this, CS Lewis writes, 'If you read history, you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this."

How often do we think about what our day will hold rather than what our eternity will hold? Even while in church, our minds wander off to where we eat at or what we are going to do for the rest of the day. Our days are filled with schedules and lists but seldom do we focus on things that not for this world. I love the quote from CS Lewis. I think that more than ever that it is applicable today.


"Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't depend on God on a daily basis....The truth is, their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God."

This made me stop and ask, would my life be different, really, if I wasn't a Christian? The hard truth is that for too many of us that life wouldn't be a big difference. I want to say that my life would be drastically changed. The truth is that I don't know if that's true. Yes, I know that I would think differently and that I probably would act differently. I still think that I would be a "nice guy" though. I don't say this to berate anyone. I say all this to make myself be challenged for something more than just a label and more of the close personal relationship that changes lives that Jesus called us into.

I want to link to SCL today because I think its a great post. I will be trying to "give the gift of going second" tonight at our group. I don't want just superficial talk, I want to show them that we can be open and honest with each other even when its not pretty.

It's my perogative

I have decided that I don't like the way that my post about my journey till here sounded. I might work on it for a future post, but I won't be doing it for right now. I wanted to talk about a few things that are more actively going on.

I finally got around to watching Andy Stanley's first sermon from the current series "He still* has the whole world in His hands". I think that its a perfectly apt series with all the worries that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. I had started it once before, but due to work or other distractions, I didn't focus enough on it to really get anything out of it. So, I watched it again today. There were a couple things that just really spoke to me. One was where Stanley was talking about how our favorite bible stories are times when the people involved weren't sure how things would work out, but still held onto the belief that God would come through. While that might not completely address our situations today, it gives us the hope that we need. This led to the phrase or sentence that Stanley said that just resonated was this: When the world is uncertain, God is certain.

God is always there, always working and always meeting the needs of His plan. He knows what we need, He knows what we desire, and He can meet or provide as we need. How often do we forget about these simple truths? We want God to show up on OUR time and with OUR way of dealing with the situation. We aren't God though. We aren't in any more control of anything than we ever were.

Now, I am personally thinking about some stuff. My wife and I have been asked to lead a Financial Peace class for another church. Its a little scary. I am honored because I have seen how God can work when you are willing to let Him in your financial life. But then I think about how we still aren't debt free. We have just one more debt. Granted, God has helped us or should I say, led us, to pay off almost 13,000 dollars in debt in about 14 months, but does that in any way qualify us to teach a class that we are still learning about? I guess the real answer is that we are never qualified to do anything for God, but we can be willing and let Him use us. I don't want to be stubborn and hold back from something that God could use, but I guess I doubt myself. That really is what it comes down to when we are dealing with something that we think God wants us to do. We think of a million different reasons that God would do better to pick some one else or if it was just a little later, when we are a bit more ready. Seldom do we just think, well, if God has asked me, I can do it.

So, instead of hearing where I was, you are hearing where I am today. It will be good to look back at my past and give you a bit more information about me, but that will have to wait. Instead, I am thankful to have a reminder that when we are uncertain about a situation, God is still in control.

Weekend Thoughts

I sat with my wife on Sunday morning listening to Mike Birbiglia on Comedy Central talk about his parents and just laughed. I love my family, but sometimes I am not so sure if I want to be around them. But I guess that is the way that most people feel about their parents. Its ok, because I am more than thankful for all they have done and they continue to do for being an example and being a source of support.

This weekend was good. My wife gets to be fawned over by others when she sings at my parent's church. I don't think that anyone would dispute how talented she is, but at my parent's church, its a treat. I am glad that she gets that from some one other than me from time to time. Its easy for her to think that I have to say those things, even when each compliment doesn't come close to giving her the praise she deserves in my eyes. Also, this time around, the message on Sunday was just amazing. There were insights that spoke both to my wife and myself. We are thankful for that.

The hardest part of the weekend was visiting my grandfather. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago, but within the last year, he has gotten exponentially worse. He has trouble recognizing my mother, let alone me. He is so much smaller than any other time that I have seen him. Its hard to see a man who was so big and strong be wrecked by such a disease. I worked for a few years in a nursing home caring for others loved ones, but this was the first time in a long time that I saw one of my loved ones there.

As for talking about what God is teaching me, I am taking chapter 4 of Crazy Love and use it to examine myself. It has been challenging but also so worth it. I hope that everyone else in the group is getting something good out of Chan's words. I will get more into that on Wednesday.

Nothing really all that earth-shattering going on in my life. Just am thankful for family a little bit more. More in the life of James tomorrow.

Writing funny posts....that is my LEAST favorite thing to do

I promised some levity for a Friday and hopefully I can bring that. Mainly I will be doing it the only way that I know how, allowing some one else to take the credit in the form of links and clips.

I have been thoroughly enjoy some Llamas with Hats. If you haven't ever seen the Charlie the Unicorn (part 1 or part 2), then I don't know if we can be friends. However, Llamas with Hats is equally if not even more so amazing. Please take your time and enjoy it for all the splendid things that it is.

I know that as a child I watched some really bad movies thinking that they were good. I am pretty sure that at some point I sat through Mac and Me. However, I don't think there is anyway to truly be entertained by such a movie until today. So, I submit clips like the famous wheelchair clip (the first 30 seconds are just indescribable). Then if you feel like you haven't had enough, you can enjoy the McDonald's dance off because who hasn't happened upon one of these in their trip to the arches?

I will warn you about this next clip. Its from the group Lonely Island that includes Adam Samberg from SNL and Hot Rod (which is a long clip of goodness for those who are interested). Its one of their latest additions called "Im on a Boat". I present the edited version just because I wanted to be somewhat "Christian" here.

I hope that these give you reasons to laugh today. I am probably going to go and watch Llamas with hats again because I got a rumbling in my funny bone that only llamas will satisfy. Have a great weekend and hopefully I will be doing all this again next week.

Feb 23 till now

I have been reading Galatians to sort of prepare me for the men's bible study that we have on Sunday. It doesn't matter that I won't be there this week (due to a trip down to see my parents), but I want to take the time to soak in this book as Jeff leads us through it. So, I have devoted myself to really looking at Galatians and spending a few weeks in it. I am sure at some point I will question my need to keep reading the book, but for now, its pretty fresh and exciting.

I say all that to just give you an idea of what is happening in my personal study time. And also because something here made me reflect on everything that I have been thinking and talking about with others. This week has been about God's love and how it is just amazing. How He loves us more than we can know. So, when I was reading Paul's words in verses 15 and 16, it just hit me about how God is constantly reminding us that we were important to Him before we even realized how important He was to us.

I am sure that I am not the only one who does this, but it seems that whenever something is sticking in your mind, that God will keep bringing it up. I am thankful for that. Both because we are always quick to dismiss something that could be considered a coincidence. But, God's love isn't something that just happens, it something that He earnestly and willfully does. So, I think that He enjoys reminding us how much we mean to Him.

One of the things that Chan challenges the small group to do on the DVD is to make it a point to remind each other of God's love for us throughout the week. I had a couple examples today that I thought were good, but I went with this from Psalms 56:8-

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

The image of God caring so much about you that He would collect your tears and not just because He cares when you hurt, but also that He would keep track of where each one is from so that He can comfort you in those areas of need. This is the God who created galaxies, constellations, stars, worlds, but He isn't too busy to care for a child of His who hurts. Just think of that. Do you ever think that you are too small for him to care about? Well, you aren't. You are exactly what He cares about. We can get so numb to the idea of God's love, that we forget how truly remarkable it is. And I guess that, more than anything, is what I am getting this week, just another chance to marvel at the deep desire that God has for me and for each of us individually.

Crazy Love Thinking

Today starts my posts about our small group and my personal reflections on Crazy Love. I have mentioned it a couple times in the past and how our group is reading it for this semester's study. This week we looked at chapter 3, aptly named "Crazy Love". (Yes, I realize that I am starting to talk about the book on chapter 3.)

Chan talks about taking a spiritual retreat where he is alone for 4 days. Before hand, he has a friend pray over him about what to study and think about during this time apart. And his friend says something like, "I know that you have wanted this time with Francis..." Chan talks about how at the time he wanted to shy away from that. But if you heard some one say that to you, would you react the same way? I would. For most of my life, my thoughts were, "yeah, God loves me, but that's because I am His creation". I wouldn't think about how His love is a deep desire for me. That just floors me to think of. I am amazed that the God, who created everything, wants not my empty attempts to be holy, but for me to allow Him to create something holy in me. I am constantly in awe of God's love for us.

I love the way that Chan phrases our place, "His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity. He doesn't need me or you." He doesn't need us, but he wants us. How do we not respond with an outpouring of love toward Him?

The question that Chan poises to the small groups in the video is what moments have you been fully aware and just "got it". Got God's love, and felt it so real. As I watched that, the one thought that came to my mind was a time that I will talk about more in my testimony when I am talking about my college years, but it was on a mission trip to Boston. That time is one of the few times that I can say that my desire for study didn't come out of a sense of obligation, it was genuine hunger. My desire for helping others, wasn't because I thought I should, but because I could. My life wasn't about pleasing myself, it was about what I could do for some one else. I was secure and knew that the only way that God's love for me made sense was so that I could share it.

What about your life? Have you had moments when you got God's love for you? If you want to join in these thoughts, check out Chan's Crazy Love. And no, I don't get any royalties for plugs. But I think its a great source for refocusing our lives. Next week, chapter 4, and some hard truths.

Early Years

I bet you thought that I forgot or that I wasn't going to make it back today to post. Well, I might be in that mode later, or next week, but this week is time for me to focus and start off right. Today will be the first of my posts about my journey so far. I am sure that there will be more to tell as the weeks and such go on, but this day will focus on where I have been. Basically, my testimony without a better word to describe it. I offer it as a chance for you all to get to know this author more.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't going to church. When I was a kid, that was Sunday. Mom would take us kids (my sister and myself) while Dad stayed home and we went to Charleston First Baptist church. Some of my early memories of being at church is that after the singing, I would lay down with my head in my mom's lap and sleep during the rest of the service. I really didn't think anything of it. I just assumed that was what everyone did. But I guess as a kid, you think that everyone is the same as you. Also, since I was in a small town, the same kids I went to church with were there with me all week in school. In fact, the school and the church were about 100 feet apart. So, when I would hear about Jesus, it didn't really impact me. I just believed what was said at church the same way that I believed things that were taught in school, it seemed like the same thing.

I don't say that to condemn the church or anything. I am glad that I had that upbringing and without really understanding it, I was being given the moral compass that would help me later in life. However, with it being such a "of course" type of thing, I took it for granted. It wasn't hard to believe that Jesus loved me because I wasn't in any position to question it.

Eventually, I did what I thought I was supposed to do, accept Jesus as my savior, though I didn't really know what I was being saved from. I didn't know because while I had heard about hell and punishment, I don't think that I ever really believed that it was an option for me. By the time that I did this, I understood that there were people who didn't spend their Sunday mornings and early afternoons and evenings and Wednesday nights at church. They were the ones that were in need of saving. Not the little boy who is being taken to church all the time. But, still I cried and said the words that I knew were supposed to be said. I think about that time in the Pastor's office and because of doubts about myself, I still wonder what happened. Did I get saved there? Did I fully give my life to God in those few moments when I said what I thought were the right words? The reason why I wondered is because my life didn't change. I still went to church every Sunday, Wednesday, etc. I was still a "good boy" or at least I wasn't completely evil. I think that this is where things are really hard for those children who are raised in a Christian home. They are taught at a young age a way to act and it looks very similar to some one who loves God. Then when they admit their dependence on God, they don't see any real change. So, they question whether or not anything really happened. That's what I did. I wondered if I was saved.

Now, I know now that even if I don't know the day, I am fully God's child. I have no question about that. Even typing that line, I get that hesitance that I used to get all the time as a child. Its obvious that if Satan can convince us we aren't saved, that we won't live like we are. If Satan can tell us that God isn't our strength and our hope, then we have no support.

Back to the whole childhood goings on of me, I eventually went to a Royal Ambassador's camp. It was a fun time and I had the normal camp conversion. I know that most Christians have these type of stories, where they go to a camp or some sort of retreat and they are changed. I think that after this, that I understood what it meant a lot more than before. Whether this was THE day or THE prayer, it doesn't matter. What mattered was that I now KNEW that I was God's and that He wanted me. I am not saying that throughout my life I haven't had moments of distress due to doubts, but from those days forward, I could have the assurance that I felt that I lacked beforehand. Again, my life didn't really change at least the routine of it didn't. Those changes didn't really show up until sometime in my youth days.

That's where I will pick up next time. I know that this will be a long journey in listen or reading my life story. One of the things that I notice when I talk about this stuff (or type it) is that throughout so much of my early life, my dad had very little to do with my spiritual life. I don't say that to speak ill of him, just observing my life. I guess that's really the reason for this exercise, to look at my past and see where God has taken me from and to. I am just taking you along as you read.

Revamp and New Schedule

I have been thinking this weekend about some sort of way to keep myself on a schedule to make sense. First, I have said that this would be a personal journal of a sort, but I also want to be open to talking about my life and what has happened to me. So, I think that its only fair to give where I have been, my testimony so to speak. I think that it will both allow myself to be open but also give me time to reflect on where God has led me from.

So, in that thought, here is my new schedule:

Monday-weekend thoughts, personal study revelations
Tuesday-my personal journey from past to now (will take a few posts)
Wednesday-"Crazy Love" study thoughts
Thursday-where God is taking me this week
Friday-something lighthearted and thoughts for the weekend


That's my idea at least. Hopefully it will give me a bit more focus and hopefully give me some idea of what to type about. Thus, today I am talking about what has gone on this weekend and what I have been thinking about.

Yesterday was another great service and a great worship set. Of course, I am a bit partial due to my gorgeous wife showing her amazing voice and praising God. But, even if she hadn't been up there, I would have been blown away by the sound of God's people singing. I have talked about that before on here, but its something that always moves me. I hear a church full of people earnestly singing to God and it makes me just stand in awe. When I think about that will be a part of eternity, getting to stand in a crowd of fellow redeemed people and sing of God's glory directly in front of Him, it just floors me. I know that this is probably part of my absolute love of music. I think that it has a quality that oftentimes mere words can't illustrate.

Then last night at the men's bible study, while we were talking about Galatians, Jeff mentioned how he doesn't put anyone in a position of leadership unless he trusts them. This made me realize that I wouldn't be part of the leadership of our little small group unless I had earned Jeff's trust. I know that it seems like something that I should have noticed before, but it just never really was something that I thought about. Now, I know that Jeff's trust isn't the end all be all, but its something like what Jon Acuff spoke about on Wednesday, wanting to be good enough. We, as humans, seek that approval from others. I then started reflecting on my life and how even just a month before my wife and I started dating, I wouldn't have trusted myself to lead anyone. But, God moved quickly to make me more the man that I am now. He continues to make me the man that I need to be, but I am miles from the guy that I was before then.

So, this morning I took the time to pray for today to be God's day. I wanted to be deliberate about making today not about myself but about what He has for me. With every action, every thought, every word spoken, I prayed for God's love to be evident.

Today I focused on just verse 6-9 of Galatians 1. The wording is very blunt about the punishment to some one teaching a false doctrine. I found it interesting that Paul even goes so far to say that "even if we...should preach to you a gospel contrary to the gospel we preached to you, let him be accursed." To me, this spoke of Paul's understanding that both he was flawed and that the gospel of God is that important. Obviously this is something that we all know, but just loved the emphasis that even he would consider himself cursed if he was to start preaching a gospel contrary to the one that converted him.

Well, that's day one of a new format. Hope that it still entices you guys to check out this place from time to time. Tomorrow, the early days of my life and my being brought up in the church.

Another day in the life of James

I have got to be better about getting on here. I say that like there is a throng of people clamoring for more of me just typing away on a keyboard. I know that for the most part this is just a personal exercise. I am more than fine with that. I need it and I guess that's the part of me that says that I should be on here more. We will see how that goes of course.

I actually took some time out of getting ready this morning to read. I have a break from session this week due to a shifting around of the session calendar and thus I don't have to be in at work until normal hours. So, today I took some of that extra time to read a little about Galatians. Our men's bible study is going to be spending this semester in Galatians and I was just wanting to look at an overview of it. So, I was reading How to Read the Bible book by book and looked at Galatians. Its interesting stuff. Jeff had mentioned on Sunday that this book was key to Martin Luther's questioning of the Catholic church's practices. I can see the direct correlation. In Galatians, Paul is confronting those who say that you have to be circumcised in order to be a Christian. That we as Gentiles, also have to follow the old Mosaic law. Paul's emphasis is that grace and nothing else is what it takes for us to be Christians. If you add anything to it, you take away the power that grace has. I can see the driving force that Luther probably saw in this when confronted by the strict law of the Catholic church, at least at that time.

There was one phrase that just struck me in this summarizing of Galatians. It is pointed out that the law was only able to point out the problems, and if you followed the law you could be "religious". However, you would never be able to embody the spirit of the law without the grace of God through Jesus. Without having the book in front of me, I am in no way saying it as succinctly as they did, but I hope you get the point. I was just rocked by that. And that's where my mind is sitting right now.

Last week was a good study group. We will be meeting again tomorrow and talking about all the fun things that Chan has in chapter 2. If you have read the book, then you probably get the slight sarcasm.

First night of a new Semester

The new bible study kicks off tonight. We will be looking at Francis Chan's Crazy Love. It looks like we will have a couple extra faces and a few more people interested. I think that the "trailer" that the DVD offered was a great intro to our study. It was amazing timing that today kicks off our study. I say that because one of my favorite stops in the interweb is SCL. Jon's post today was just perfect. Both because it spoke to me personally with what I have been struggling with and because it went along well with the theme of giving of ourselves to God that Chan talks about.

I will just talk about how it affected me personally. Jon talks about how we are reluctant to give up our time in order to see God's will accomplished. I think that this is a major problem with the body of believers today. We have so long raised money for foreign missions, or held a love offering for things far away from us. However, we seldom have given of our time to show God's love. Our money, while not always easy to give, is much easy to part with than a Saturday when we wanted to sit and do nothing. We live in a culture that is so involved with what we can get and what we think we deserve. Our pastor Jeff gave an illustration a few weeks ago about this. Have you ever been driving in a parking lot and people have refused to walk along the sides and instead walk right down the middle of where you are supposed to be driving? Even if its not really verbalized, they are thinking that they don't have to move, that you will have to move around them.

Seldom do we take the time to realize how blessed we are and how much we can give, even if its just our ears to listen or our hands to help. I don't point fingers, because more than anyone else reading this, I am guilty of it. I have been so self-involved that I have been more willing to give my "free time" to TV than to take 30 minutes to talk to the God who loves me more than I realize.

I am going to be confessional about this stuff tonight. I want to be more willing and more open to using all that God has given me for His glory. I don't want to be closed off. I want God to show His love for others through me. Isn't that what we are called to do? Isn't that supposed to be our greatest goal? That's where my mind is right now.

Rants and Session

I am back in the middle of session. In case you didn't know and I don't know why you would, but I work for a part of the legislative branch of Kentucky. Last week, they came back to go into session and enjoy the creating of bills and debating over what we should do about our budget problems. In fact, as I type, they are having a press conference talking about them changing the days that they meet in order to tackle some issues. Fun times. I have always been sort of a geek in regards to politics and watching this stuff anyway. So, there is at least some part of me that still enjoys the back and forth and good debate that happens during a session. Some of the most enjoyable parts are when they are on the floor of a chamber of the legislature and trying to not really insult another member but still insult them. Those poorly veiled insults are often some of the most funny things that happens during a legislative day.

I realized that I just told you that for no particular reason beyond that is part of the reason that I have really wrote on here. Yeah, I am using work as an excuse, but it really hasn't been a big hindrance. No, the major obstacle to me writing is my lack of reading or even studying more than watching a couple Andy Stanley messages. This is where I get all confessional. I haven't take the time to sit and just read since the storms hit around here. I guess when I got out of the habit due to being someplace else, I found it easier to just keep that up. I won't beat myself up about it due to the fact that I don't think that God would want me to. I have a new chance each day to be more committed to following him and have my heart desire my life to be more like His. So, I am just going to do better. This will start with a conscious effort to set aside time at night to read and just sit in God's presence.

Ok, seriousness aside for a few. I don't think that this will spark any real thoughts but if it does in you, great. I have mentioned my love of How I met your Mother on here before and even placed links for others to enjoy as well. I went on this site Imeem and they allow you to create play lists and listen to music for free. So, I found a list of music from the show and created a HIMYM play list. And for the past few minutes I have been listening to it. One of the songs that I am just amazed by is Otis Redding's "Coffee and Cigarettes". I don't know why, but it is just a masterful song full of emotion and a beautiful melody. I am sure that I have heard it many times before but just recently I was taken with the song. How is it that we often forget how good something is? Ok, I just happened to come upon something serious. Its what my main thoughts have been lately, about how we forget about how good we have it and how great God is to us. Sorry to juke you with a serious thought there.

I hope that today's post will allow me to be accountable to myself about taking time away from the TV and instead spending it in thought and reflection in the evenings. Have a great weekend, till next week.

Speaking of Taking time to be Thankful

How is it that God allows us more time to think about the things that draw us to Him? Just this week, I was talking about how I don't take the time to notice the small things in life, like a light switch, and what happens? Power goes out. It really is a simple act that we do on a normal basis, flipping a light switch, that becomes so important when we can't. I am thankful for those things and I was happy to have a couple days to think about it.

Actually, I haven't really had to do without power. I have been blessed with parents (in-laws) who are willing and wanting to spend time with us. They opened their home and thats where we have been staying. I know that I am lucky. I have been praying for others who haven't had some one to turn to or some where to go. Also, more than anyone, I am thankful for the workers who have been out in the cold and mess working to get things running back to normal again. They are so often forgotten even when they are putting in long hours to give back to us the things that we often take for granted.

Maybe that is a good thing to come out of all this, we do get the opportunity to recognize how blessed we are. We want to think of ourselves as lacking when we look to others who have more, but in reality, we have so much. I have been watching the series Balanced by Andy Stanley and thats one of the things this past week's segment was about. We have so much extra that we take for granted.

While I am happy that I have power, I know that plenty of people around this state still don't. I pray that they get it soon and that until then God continues to guard them. I ask that you would do the same.

Be back next week with some of the things that I have struggled with.

Typing once more

I am really going to try and be a little better about posting on here. Mainly because I have some thoughts that are going on and I am wanting to get them out. Most of them deal with me just struggling with feelings and thoughts, but thats ok. Its one of the areas that I wanted to be transparent in this blog. I read something on Friday that really started my brain a chuggin'. I thought I would share that here.

Occasionally, I like to laugh. I know thats shocking and all of you are all super serious. But, I read the "Best of" from Craigslist on a normal basis. Most of the times its funny "Casual Encounters", which I usually avoid, or rants about some one's pet peeves that I all too often feel myself. But on Friday there was this post. I won't repeat it. Instead you should read it, and I will go into what it made me think about. The simplicities of life are often forgotten as we live our lives. When was the last time that you were thankful for having a light switch? I was just struck by that. It something that we all use everyday and never think of how it could be a luxury. I don't say all this to be down on us for our selfishness, but more so to be captivated by the gifts that we have. I mentioned how I loved the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. One of the points that I took from it was about how we often forget how amazing God is. We pray but forget that we are praying TO some one not just saying words. We get in the routine of prayer, but not the need for communication. When I was growing up, I was told that prayer is just talking to God. But thats the thing, its not JUST talking to God. Its talking to the creator of the universe. THE most powerful being ever. Yesterday we sang a song that has this as the chorus:

You are Holy! Great and Mighty!
The Moon and the stars declare who you are
I'm so unworthy, but still you love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great you are!

I have had that song stuck in my head. Last night as I was falling asleep, I was singing it to God as my prayer. I think that sometimes that I need the wake up call to remember how great our God is.

So, thats where my mind has been the last couple days. Does those words from a former Homeless man touch you in any way? What about the song? Do you often forget how amazing God is? Am I all alone?

A late start to the new year

Yeah, I realize that I haven't put anything on here in a long time. Mainly that is due to my laziness and lack of imagination. Lately I have been choosing to be entertained or informed rather than informing or entertaining. Thats ok and I have been enriched from it. So, here is a short explanation of things that are currently taking up my time.

I finished Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Its an amazing book that really has challenged my thoughts and actions. Over at SCL's other site The Prodigal John, he is having a weekly discussion of it. If you want to know more about the book, go read some of the topics that are speaking to people. It might give you a better idea of whats going on. I won't go into any real details right now, but might try and devote an entry talking about things that really hit me hard.

I have also been reading How to read the Bible for all its worth by Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart. I have enjoyed the breakdown that these two professors use. They do a good job of trying to make something sort of daunting much more accessible to everyone. I haven't finished it but have already noticed a difference in the way I look at a passage of scripture now.

Those are the main books that have taken up my time (a couple fantasy baseball stuff as well, but I won't bore you). The other main thing that I have been thinking about is Driscoll's sermon series "The Peasant Princess". It deals with Song of Solomon/Songs. There is such great truth in his teachings of this scripture. I always find myself pondering over the things that each lesson tells. I have been watching them with my wife and its great. While I would say that there isn't a whole lot about our marriage that isn't practicing these principles, I know that there is still a lot to learn. I enjoy the fact that a proactive stance now on things we haven't foreseen, may allow us to avoid too many problems later.

Also, I have been watching Andy Stanley's series "Balanced" about finances. Its funny and informative, just like pretty much all his series, but its also made me think about our possessions in a different way. I understand that nothing is really mine, and to illustrate that Stanley asks if you were to borrow some one's vehicle, what percentage would they expect you to take care of? Obviously, its the whole thing, not just 10%. Now, the challenge is not this, but the idea that Stanley said that he won't buy a new item (toy, gadget, etc) if he wouldn't allow some one to borrow it. Can I honestly say that? I don't know. But, I would like to be that way. I don't want my goal to be to gain things, but rather to be a loving giver. Which leads to the thoughts that Crazy Love brings about. So, I guess I will have to talk about that soon.

So, that's whats going on with me. I will try not to let another month plus go by without spending some time sharing what God is laying on my heart and showing me through His teachings.