Early Years

I bet you thought that I forgot or that I wasn't going to make it back today to post. Well, I might be in that mode later, or next week, but this week is time for me to focus and start off right. Today will be the first of my posts about my journey so far. I am sure that there will be more to tell as the weeks and such go on, but this day will focus on where I have been. Basically, my testimony without a better word to describe it. I offer it as a chance for you all to get to know this author more.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't going to church. When I was a kid, that was Sunday. Mom would take us kids (my sister and myself) while Dad stayed home and we went to Charleston First Baptist church. Some of my early memories of being at church is that after the singing, I would lay down with my head in my mom's lap and sleep during the rest of the service. I really didn't think anything of it. I just assumed that was what everyone did. But I guess as a kid, you think that everyone is the same as you. Also, since I was in a small town, the same kids I went to church with were there with me all week in school. In fact, the school and the church were about 100 feet apart. So, when I would hear about Jesus, it didn't really impact me. I just believed what was said at church the same way that I believed things that were taught in school, it seemed like the same thing.

I don't say that to condemn the church or anything. I am glad that I had that upbringing and without really understanding it, I was being given the moral compass that would help me later in life. However, with it being such a "of course" type of thing, I took it for granted. It wasn't hard to believe that Jesus loved me because I wasn't in any position to question it.

Eventually, I did what I thought I was supposed to do, accept Jesus as my savior, though I didn't really know what I was being saved from. I didn't know because while I had heard about hell and punishment, I don't think that I ever really believed that it was an option for me. By the time that I did this, I understood that there were people who didn't spend their Sunday mornings and early afternoons and evenings and Wednesday nights at church. They were the ones that were in need of saving. Not the little boy who is being taken to church all the time. But, still I cried and said the words that I knew were supposed to be said. I think about that time in the Pastor's office and because of doubts about myself, I still wonder what happened. Did I get saved there? Did I fully give my life to God in those few moments when I said what I thought were the right words? The reason why I wondered is because my life didn't change. I still went to church every Sunday, Wednesday, etc. I was still a "good boy" or at least I wasn't completely evil. I think that this is where things are really hard for those children who are raised in a Christian home. They are taught at a young age a way to act and it looks very similar to some one who loves God. Then when they admit their dependence on God, they don't see any real change. So, they question whether or not anything really happened. That's what I did. I wondered if I was saved.

Now, I know now that even if I don't know the day, I am fully God's child. I have no question about that. Even typing that line, I get that hesitance that I used to get all the time as a child. Its obvious that if Satan can convince us we aren't saved, that we won't live like we are. If Satan can tell us that God isn't our strength and our hope, then we have no support.

Back to the whole childhood goings on of me, I eventually went to a Royal Ambassador's camp. It was a fun time and I had the normal camp conversion. I know that most Christians have these type of stories, where they go to a camp or some sort of retreat and they are changed. I think that after this, that I understood what it meant a lot more than before. Whether this was THE day or THE prayer, it doesn't matter. What mattered was that I now KNEW that I was God's and that He wanted me. I am not saying that throughout my life I haven't had moments of distress due to doubts, but from those days forward, I could have the assurance that I felt that I lacked beforehand. Again, my life didn't really change at least the routine of it didn't. Those changes didn't really show up until sometime in my youth days.

That's where I will pick up next time. I know that this will be a long journey in listen or reading my life story. One of the things that I notice when I talk about this stuff (or type it) is that throughout so much of my early life, my dad had very little to do with my spiritual life. I don't say that to speak ill of him, just observing my life. I guess that's really the reason for this exercise, to look at my past and see where God has taken me from and to. I am just taking you along as you read.