Moving and my inability to ask for help

I took Friday off to get things moved over to our new place. Its still a rental and thats fine with me, but its a bigger place for a really good price. I am amazed that we found it, but am more than happy to have it. But, it leads me to the thoughts that have been in my mind the past couple days, even last week.

Why do I hesitate to even ask for help? When we were discussing the move, my wife told me a few people to ask to help. My first thoughts are always go to things about that they shouldn't be bothered, they have better things to do, and they don't want to help. I haven't even mentioned anything to anyone at this point, but that's my thoughts. But, I had to have help, I couldn't do it all myself. I might have been able to move some of it, but couches, a washer and dryer, and other larger items require more than I can do. The thing is that those who helped, didn't think it as much of an inconvenience. We were done in 40 minutes, and that includes driving time. But, in my mind, I felt like I was asking for them to sacrifice so much. Why do I do that? What do any of us do that?

After we got everything moved in, I was going to mow the lawn as one of my new duties at our new place. My in-laws had given us an older mower that they didn't need, but I had trouble getting it to work. This led me to having to call for help again. I sat in our new living room, nervous to call friends up that live close-by and ask for their help. These aren't just people I know, but ones that I would call friends. Our pastor lives just a couple blocks away and is such a generous person, I was sure that he would let me borrow a lawn mower for an hour or so, but I didn't want to bother him. That's my thought, I don't want to bother anyone. I ended up not getting the lawn mowed on Saturday, but did on Sunday when my in-laws bought us a new one and gave it to us. I also said something to Jeff on Sunday and he said that I should have called, he would have brought it over.

But, I think about my unwillingness to admit that I need help. How often do we admit that we need help? Or even when some one offers, we tell them that we are fine? I am so guilty of that. But, we can't do everything ourselves. This is even true when I am talking to God. In the moments that I desperately need God to show up, my mind wanders to thoughts of not wanting to bother Him. Bother God? When is a parent ever bothered when their child truly needs them? When are we (to make it personal) hesitant to help a friend? I have no problem giving myself to help others that I care for, but why do I pause when wanting to give them that same opportunity. Am I robbing some one of the option to help?

As I lay in bed with my wife last night, I thought about what my in-laws and others are teaching me. My in-laws know that we don't expect them to do things like buy us a new lawn mower. My in-laws are thankful that they can help. They are generous both with their time and money. They are examples that I should learn from. Friends who were there on Saturday aren't there because they are obligated, but because they are our friends and they want to help. I can learn that asking for help isn't bothering some one. Its an opportunity to let them teach you about generosity. I have no clue if any of this makes sense. But I know that I am learning.

Annoying how life works

I would really be happy to be able to post how great of a morning that I am having and how wonderful things are. Obviously they aren't great. The thing is that I realize that its not like I am physically hurting or really even in all that much discomfort. My body aches a little, but thats from moving boxes yesterday. I don't feel all that clean, but thats due to being unable to take a shower this morning. Those are little minor things. But, for some reason, we often let these things shape our day.

Yes, I was upset and still a little annoyed that our gas got cut off 4 days before it was supposed to due to a clerical error. It messed with my routine. I didn't get to wake up, jump in the shower and feel like starting the day. I felt like just jumping back into bed. I wanted to get a redo on the day. I called and now I have to leave work for some time and get the gas turned back on, again being an inconvenience that I am not all that happy about. And this is all something that I didn't do anything wrong to create. I did everything right. We paid our bill as it was due, we called and got it set to be turned off at a time when it wouldn't be a problem. But still its shaping my day. Why do I let it? I thought about this on the way in to work this morning. As I drove, I thought about how while I might think right now that this is so important, tomorrow I probably won't even think about it. I will get in the shower and do my normal routine. Next week, the thought of not getting to take a shower in the morning won't even cross my mind. So, really, how important is this?

I am probably one of the worst offenders of this, getting upset over such small things. But, I recognize that. It doesn't always keep my mouth in check, but it does make me stop and pray. I might never get to where I am immune to these little annoyances, but I can allow God's love rather than my reaction shape my day.

Here or Heaven?

I realize that it has been a pretty long time since I got on here. I would love to say that its been because that I have just been too busy. But, more honestly, its because I have been too lazy. I haven't really had anything hit me or anything that I felt led to talk about. But, I am back today with some thoughts on the current chapter that our small group is discussing tonight, chapter 7.

I will get to the thoughts on the book first and then I have something else I want to share. The really challenging part of this week's chapter is the idea of longing more for heaven than for our life that we have now. We have it good in America. There is pretty much anything that you could want within driving distance. And we all have abilities to get there. When Chan asks, are we living in a way that shows that our hope, our desire is not for this life but the next, we have to ask ourselves if that's true. In the video for this chapter, the question is posed this way. Do you long for Jesus to come back today? If you could have the choice, would that be what you want? I had to stop and think about it. Yes, I desire to love God and strive to show that love. I want to learn more about Jesus and hopefully in doing so model my life in a way that reflects His character. But, are there things in this life that I want to do before Jesus comes? Would I feel like I missed something if Jesus was to come today? I reluctantly answer yes to those questions. I guess that's part of our human nature, but its also something that we have to surrender to God. Its not something to be beat up over, but a need to bring before the Father and allow Him to minister to that lack of love.

I am not saying that I don't plan. I have to. I have to plan on things that will happen until Jesus comes back. However, I don't have to desire them more. I think that the line there is a very thin one to walk. Maybe its part of the reason that we HAVE to ask for God's guidance on a daily basis. Its impossible for us to try and tackle it ourselves. These are just me working through my thoughts on this chapter and I might not ever get it right. But, I am willing to share those with you.

Now, on to something I wanted to share about the last post that I wrote. I prayed with my wife over the areas that I have been feeling like I am disappointed with God. I didn't hold back either. If I felt scared, I said I was scared. If I felt hurt, I said I was hurt. I know that might sound like it just makes sense, but I definitely have been putting on a face of "ok-ness" before God for a long time. I don't know if I have ever felt so good about something that I have no control over in a long time. I know that nothing about the situation has changed but I have a little. Andy Stanley said this about prayer, "Prayer isn't about changing God, its about changing you." I can say that honest, open, prayer with God does change you. You feel like He really cares and is listening, or at least I did. So, if there is an area that you feel like God has been silent on in your life. Just tell Him how you are feeling there. Especially if you haven't ever prayed how you feel to God before. Let Him do what He longs to do, care and love on us. Its hard sometimes, but its so worth it.

Back from another weekend with some seriousness

I hope that you all had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Things are on the path to getting back to normal for me for a few days. I am very thankful for just a couple days of a break where I get to leave work at a normal hour and spend more time with my wife. So, I get to get on here and type out a few posts this week (probably) and today is the first.

Yesterday at church we had the Lord's Supper for everyone. It was a great celebration focusing on God's grace. I loved every minute of it. The music was amazing and the worship was awesome. Singing about God's grace and love for us is never a dull thing and its the thing that we celebrate the most because its so unbelievable. I could go on and on about how wonderful God's grace and love are and how it might not make sense, but its so easy to accept it. But, that wasn't where my mind went that afternoon.

I started thinking about being disappointed with God. We all have desires and wants that we think are Godly or at the very least aren't sinful. So, we lift them up to God knowing that since that are selfish, they aren't hated by God, that eventually He will respond and you can praise Him for meeting your desire. But what about in the meantime? What about the times when you think that there is no reason that God shouldn't meet this request and He doesn't? What about the way that you feel about yourself and question what you have done? I realize that this could fall under the heading about our timing versus God's timing. I also realize that this is no different than any other prayer that is offered and seems to go unanswered. However, this week it was different. This week, I have a specific instance that I am just hammered by. I say that this is about being disappointed with God, but really isn't it more about being disappointed with myself. That I feel like I have done something wrong and that I have done something to keep God from granting this request. I question about if it was something in my past, or something that I am doing now. I know that God is a God of infinite love and grace, but I guess we all start thinking in terms of "punishment" when something we desire isn't given. I also know that when this need is met, that I will look back and wonder why I questioned His timing. I will see how He was there all along, but its hard to take comfort in the now. I guess that's a huge part of any one's personal relationship with God, the ability to give their fears, their worries to Him and allow Him to give you the peace and comfort that you need until either the need is met or the desire fulfilled or taken away.

I watched part 2 of Stanley's series "He still* has the whole world in His hands". In it, Stanley uses Philippians 4:4-7 in a way I hadn't heard before. I would encourage you to watch it or listen to it if you have the time. But, at the end he says that part of prayer when times are tough or any time really, is to reveal our hearts to God. He might know everything about us, but He desires us to give ourselves to Him. And if something is bothering you, to give the real reason why you want God to work in that area. He gives a model that goes like this:

"Heavenly Father, I need you to _______________.
If you don't, I am afraid that _______________."

I have been trying to use it. And with each step, you get closer to the root of the problem that you have when you feel like God hasn't met your need. As Stephen Johnson said during our study about healing, where there is fruit, there is a root. This even means, when you are showing signs of doubt or worry, there is a reason for that. Either there is a belief about yourself or about God. Either way, you need to find it and allow God to minister to that area. Like I said, I have been trying to allow God in these areas and while I have seen a lot of His peace, I am still surrounded by a lot of fears.

This isn't an easy or necessarily a fun thing to tackle. It is better for us. I think that if we were just honest about what we think or feel that we could experience God a lot more. We get so caught up in these sort of form prayers. We say the same thing over and over. We come to God not with awe and wonder but with words. He doesn't want just words, He wants our heart. I want to give Him my heart, but I have to be honest when I doubt Him being there and when I doubt myself.

I don't know if this even makes much sense to anyone else. But this is me right now.

Another Collection of Funny

I am sure that anyone reading this blog might have found the topics this week pretty heavy. Its been good stuff. I have loved where God has taken my thoughts and led to focus on. I have some good things still in my head that I want to share, but I think that I am going to keep Fridays somewhat light-hearted.

If you haven't ever enjoyed news from the Onion, then you have missed some funny stuff. In this "news forum" they speak of the joy that the new giant crabs will be. My wife and I rented The Onion Movie and watched it, but found that enjoying the Onion in clips like these is much more enjoyable.

I was brought up to be a fan of Star Trek. Of course, TNG was the group that I watched the most, and most of the next couple series (DS9 and Voyager). This is one of Jandrew edit's pieces where Data gives a concert. Its just a bunch of edited footage from the original show, but its worth watching. If you enjoyed that, which how could you not?!, then you can head over here and see all his other works.

Along those same lines, I offer something that isn't a video clip, but rather a very good piece of satire. As a play on similar sounding words, here is Keeping up with the Cardassians. The stuff from McSweeny's can be quite funny. I recommend checking out more of their stuff as you have the time.

I think that gives you a few chuckles. Its important to laugh. I hope that your weekend is full of laughing and joy and worship of the creator of it all. Love you guys!

Its a Crazy Wednesday

Gosh, that is really a cheesy title, but I will leave it. Its that day when I think about the current chapter in Crazy Love and then talk about it here.

In chapter 5, Chan talks about the difference between a struggling Christian and some one who lives a life that isn't about following Christ. I offer the link to this video by Driscoll as a very concise and good answer. He offers it within the first minute and then gives a good example. Sort of an aside, I love Driscoll's plain speaking nature and direct answers. I might not be totally sure on the whole elect vs free will thing, and that might be the only area that I really disagree with him, but I find a lot of truth in his words. However, as Chan mentions in the video, we are told to test and find out what is true in God. Either way, Driscoll will tackle a few things that other ministers seem to shy away from and I respect him for that. Aside over.

Chan asks if we invented the idea of the casual Christian. He even says that Jesus never asked us to go and make Christians of all men, but disciples, those who will follow His teachings. He didn't say, but if that's too hard, let's just get them saved so that they can get into heaven and not really ever change. But how often are we preaching such a gospel? I didn't mention it on here, but I have to others about the message when I went to my mom's church. The preacher mentioned how he will never preach the "do you know where you are going if you die today?" invitation anymore. He said he didn't want to scare people into a decision. I loved that. Its not just a "get out of hell" card when you surrender to His love.

I have mentioned the book unChristian and I was reading last night something that just completely fit in with this mindset. It said that of all 18-29 that were surveyed, 65 percent said that they had made a personal commitment to Jesus, just a little less than the Boomers whose percentage is 73. Thus, the majority of Americans say that they have ALREADY made a significant decision to follow Christ. However, when you get more specific about what that means, a biblical worldview (believing the Bible, God is all-powerful, all-knowing and still rules the world today, that salvation is a gift from God, Satan is real, a Christian has a responsibility to share his or her faith with others, the Bible is accurate in all it teaches, unchanging moral truths exist and such truths are defined by the Bible, Jesus lived a sinless life,), then the percent of 18-29 that believe that falls drastically to 3 percent (only 9 percent of Boomers). Then they put it in people numbers. They say that means out of 95 million Americans who are 18-41, about 60 million will say they have already made a commitment to Jesus, but only 3 million of them embrace the biblical worldview. That is astounding to me.

I think this fits in so well with what Chan was talking about. So many people claim to have a connection to Jesus, but we don't ever think about what that might mean if we are to live it out. It is a challenge but it also heart breaking. In the video that Chan does, he asks if this chapter made you question your salvation. Its ok if it does, which is why I posted the video of Driscoll to sort of quench any doubts Satan might attack you with. After watching the video last night and thinking about my life, I just prayed thanks to God for all that He has shown me in the past couple years. That I can, without doubt, know where I am with Him. I might sin or mess up and do something that doesn't please Him, but I don't doubt where my heart is. I was so moved to tears thinking about how blessed I am and how I am thankful that I can pass that along to children if God ever gives us them or just others.

I hate that there is a real chance I won't be at the small group tonight to discuss everything. I want to share these thoughts. Thankfully I can do it here. I give anyone who reads the same option if they want.

Catch Up

Sorry about the disruption to my little schedule. But, it was necessary. I felt it better to take the rest of the week off than to put something up half-heartened. Thursday was pretty busy, or at least seemed to be more busy than normal. By the time that I realized that I hadn't gotten around to saying anything on here, it was almost 4. Then of course, Friday I was similar to the walking dead with the lack of sleep. But, now I am back, with a bit of free time, and a rested self to give you some thoughts that I have been thinking about.

I have mentioned, I think, that I am currently making my way through unChristian. Well, there have been quite a few good points that have made me stop and just reflect on it. The first area of critique that they tackle is hypocrisy. This is one of the areas that they say that young people (18-29) tend to think about people who would label themselves as Christians. The most stunning revelation isn't that they see us as hypocrites, but rather that they don't see a difference between the way that we act and the way that everyone else in the world acts. Think about that. We are the same as those who claim to have no connection to Jesus Christ. Does that not just floor you? Now, of course, you might be saying that well, those aren't real Christians that they are seeing. The thing is that it doesn't really matter. Whether or not the people who are being labeled in this manner are completely sold out to Jesus or not doesn't seem to matter in this group's mind. As a whole, Christians haven't been transparent enough to show a difference between our life and the way the world lives. They (young people) think that people are just trying to make themselves look good and when we, as a group, don't show that while we want a better life, but are flawed people, they just lump us in with everyone else who has proven themselves as just trying to make themselves look good. That just breaks my heart.

Another thing that just made me broken was the surveyed born-again Christians and their view of what it means to be a Christian and lifestyle decisions. Now, this study focused on younger people (18-29). They also defined born-again Christians as some one who made a personal commitment to Jesus that is still important to them and they believe they will go to heaven when they die because they confessed their sin and accepted Christ as savior. Now, obviously, they don't know the respondent's heart, but this was as best of a way as possible to weed out the differences. Of these people who claimed to be born-again Christians, 59% said they thought it was morally acceptable to co-habitat with a member of the opposite sex. That 44% thought is was morally acceptable to have sex outside of marriage. But, only 7% thought it was morally acceptable to use the f-word on broadcast television. How messed up are our priorities? How much of the world have we allowed to teach our kids? I can't say that I was ever perfect in these things, but I know that thought even when I did things that I shouldn't that I was doing something that was completely not morally acceptable. But, the problem isn't that we aren't following a rule, but that we are causing hurt for ourselves in the future. My heart breaks when I think of how completely we miss it sometimes when teaching the next generation.

I know that I just spouted off and said a bunch of things that might not really fit with anything else, but they just shocked me and I wanted to share with the chance that if they shock you, maybe we all can make a change. No, I am not quoting Rocky IV. I don't really have anything much going on other than that in my mind, but I felt it was important enough to talk about it for a little while.

I don't know if this week will keep up that schedule that I had set up, but that's ok. I am just trying to get on here and run through some thoughts that I have had. So, I will be back here sometime soon.